Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
