Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I cockslap morals
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
