apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
