I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
