dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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