Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
