I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
