how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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