Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just puked most of my soul out..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
