pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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