My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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