Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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