Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
