Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
