Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Randomize
