My first STD was from a foam party
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
