I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
