I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
