My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
