Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
