hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
