Umm I'm too high to move.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
