I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
