apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
