he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
