I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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