Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
