I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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