we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
