anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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