His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just gargled with NyQuil
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
