Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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