My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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