I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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