6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
