i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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