i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
