Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
