Did you just see the Batmobile???
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
