His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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