Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
