Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
