You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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