I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
