Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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