I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
