Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I've blown a few things in my day
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
