me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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