remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
