you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
